My Testimony

Before February of 2009 I was lost and did not even know it. Had you asked me if I was going to heaven I would have said yes. Continuing on I would have also told you that I knew Jesus Christ died on the cross for my sins. You see growing up I went to Paul’s Chapel United Church of Christ (this is where a Methodist and Presbyterian church split and came together to form the United Church of Christ). As a child I went to Sunday school and even completed confirmation in the sixth grade at which time I dedicated my life to the church. Having been baptized as a baby I knew I was on the right track to going to heaven.
After moving away from North Carolina and my home church in 1995, I never started going to another church here in Georgia. I keep saying, I don’t have to be in church, I live right. I don’t talk back to my mother, I obey her rules, I don’t drink, cuss, smoke or do drugs and I am still a virgin. I continued on this way until I meet my now husband, Gerald. When he and I got married I told him I wanted us to find a church to belong to and raise our family. A couple Sunday’s a month we would say we were going to church somewhere, but ended up sleeping in.
In 2007 or 8 my husband meet a man named Roy Combs. He would always talk about how good a person Roy was and how Roy wanted us to come visit his church. Gerald and I both keep saying we would and we even went out to eat with some church members one night at Southern Smoke BBQ and I attended at Tupperware party that his wife Nan had. Still at this point we had not gotten up on Sunday and made it to Church. Thankful, Roy never gave up and most importantly never pressed Gerald.
I wasn’t sure at the time, but one Sunday morning at the end of January we decided to go visit Cedar Grove Baptist church. We left so excited because everyone was friendly and we heard the message. We both admitted later that we felt like the pastor was speaking only to us. We went back the next Sunday and again I sat there thinking this man is talking to me as if I am the only person in this church. After this service we knew we would keep coming, we were excited and really enjoying the people. That night we came for Sunday service and that Wednesday we came for the evening service.
The next Sunday we were running late (which has now become a habit) so we didn’t get to sit with Nan and Roy. We sat towards the back. I remember singing the first song, greeting everyone and then hearing “Jesus, lover of my soul”. At that very moment a rush of heat spread throughout my body and tears filled my eyes. I thought, ok, what is wrong with me. The song ended and church started and I can honestly say I didn’t here the first word the Pastor spoke on that day. All these thoughts were racing through my head and I found my self thinking about all the things that I was allowing affect me. I was angry at the situation my mother was in, I was angry for my loss of childhood; I was angry that I was in such credit card debt and had nothing to show for it. I hated the house we lived in because every where I looked I saw my mother before her stroke. I was so bitter and determined to be in control of my life and the events that took place. I could not stop crying, I was begging God to leave me alone, just let me be. But Praise the Lord, He didn’t. I could hear him whispering, give it to me, give it to me Susan; you don’t have to carry it.
The service had ended and that song started again. I thought to myself, please anything but that. I remember when Reggie gave the invitation I bowed my head and prayed and cried some more. The song was ending and Reggie asked them to play one more verse because he could feel God moving. Right then I felt a touch on my back, I remember standing and the next thing I knew I was being hugged by Nan, my husbands hand was on my back and he was knelt praying next to me. I felt like I had lost 100lbs and could not stop crying for the life of me. Reggie prayed with me and I gave my life fully and completely to the Lord Jesus Christ.
As I look back on that now I am so thankful that God was patient with me for 28 years as I walked this earth thinking I was headed to heaven to see my dad again one day. Boy was I wrong, and it is my hope to never forget where I came from and the difference in my life today. When problems or conflicts arise in my life and I try to worry about them, I find myself praying and filled with joy because I know God is in control. I don’t have to solve other people’s problems or fix something for my brother every time he gets in a bind, now I pray for him and the problem and leave it alone. In the beginning I would be surprised at how quick things worked themselves out but I am slowly learning that they always would have in the past and will in the future as long as I hand it over to Him.
For those who have known me for a long time, they have said that they can see the difference in me, the peace I have. My attitude about life, others, my family, my home; all of these things have changed. I know there will still be problems, bumps in the road along the path that God has laid out for me, but that’s just it…..It is the path He laid out and He already knows how He is going to get me up that hill, over the fallen tree or around the boulder. What an awesome feeling to carry with you. And I promise you will sleep at night like you have never slept before!